Declaration of Solitude

Einstein produced his best work when he was separated from his true love, which was unfortunately his second cousin. I do not propose that I broke up with Corinna in order to better my work, I am not nearly that cold, but I am not disappointed that I broke up with her. In order to convince myself that breaking up with her was not a mistake I have formed a list of everything in our 18 months of dating that annoyed me. I do not form this list to be mean, because I really do not intend her any harm, merely to amplify my certainty of my decision.

1. The first 6 months, just treating me like I did not exist. I should have gotten the hint
2. Her criticism of all my interests. Harry Potter is not a waste of my time. Even if it was, my fucking time.
3. Not showing up to a single of my swim meets, track meets, or triathlons.
4. Refusing to sit next to me even when I showed up at every single one of her plays.
5. Sitting on David Ronn's lap during US History
6. Running away from me every morning before school, a girlfriend should not attempt to make her boyfriend miserable.
7. Refusing to come to my house, to meet my family, to relax.
8. Refusing my spontaneous gestures of kindness and appreciation. Notably Christmas, and her birthday
9. Only giving me a gift for my birthday to compete with a gift from another friend.
10. Trying to shape me into her ideal boyfriend.
11. Being so critical of my family and my lifestyle
12. Treating me horribly in front of my friends, was she embarrassed?
13. Breaking down over every little point of contention
14. Being mentally unstable
15. Hating my DS Lite
16. Never saying a single encouraging thing about my acting, or thanking me for always taking those rolls and helping out for the plays
17. Running away from me during dress rehearsal.
    
18. Never wanting to play my love interest, then complaining about how there was not "chemistry" or "sexual tension" between me and her friends
19. Resisting trips to Barton Springs like the plague
20. Being so opposed to my interests on pretense of principle. I read her favorite Victorian novel, watched her favorite 50s romance film, took a class on theater, and went to so many plays. I wish she would have read just one comic book, or at least not given me that disapproving look when I would mention them.
21. That disapproving look.
22. Overusing that look so much that I cannot take her seriously. There is not reason to be upset about everything. Just fucking enjoy life at some point.
23. Treating me like an idiot in regards to English class, at least I do not use dangling prepositions!!
24. Using her busy schedule as an excuse to cancel dates. My classes were harder, my extracurriculars twice as plentiful, and I still found time to spend with her.
25. Hating my superman belt, that is like hating America
26. Hating America
27. Calling my friends "drunken fourteen-year-olds indulging in idiotic, juvenile behavior while laughing at one another", "a pack of beasts with brains the size of peanuts", and "imbeciles"
28. Hating Star Wars
29. Getting upset with me over the actions of my family.
    
30. Being totally unreasonable when it comes to my family
31. Ruining my sixteenth, and seventeenth birthday parties by not showing up even though we were dating and I moved the date of my seventeenth just so she could come
32. Ruining my eighteenth by coming and then refusing to enjoy herself because she was "forced here against her will", I thought you would celebrate me coming into existence
33. Not walking with me from physics to US history
34. Refusing my help on your calculus homework, and then complaining to me about it
35. Claiming to be liberal and then bitching about taxes. If you do not like to pay taxes go join the society stifling right wingers
36. Making me chase after you and then not chasing after me.
    
37. Wasting so many of the great parts of my life trying to make you happy when all you ever want to do is be miserable.
38. Lying to me and then bragging to me about how good you are at it
39. Freaking out when I forget to tell you "I love you"
40. Never asking about how Model UN was
41. Telling me that you want to sleep with me and not meaning it
42. Having such a negative attitude when it comes to anything at all related to school or school spirit
43. Making fun of me for wearing my letterman all the time. Where the FUCK was the congratulations?
    
44. Refusing to take my jacket when you were cold, and leaving my jacket that I offered to you on the floor.
45. Being embarrassed to admit to teachers that we were going out
46. Reminding me how "obligated" you felt to have to spend time with my friends
47. Only talking to me over the phone for the first 8 months of our relationship, then not understanding how I do not want to do the long distance thing,. I have done that and it was horrible
48. Breaking up with me in seventh grade.
49. Expecting me to feel the exact same as you, always.
50. Caring more about yourself than me. Always. Love is uncomfortable, deal with it or leave it. Well I guess I made that decision for you

Now that was helpful

Sick

So it looks like I have come down with some horrendous illness. Knowing that I only have a few day left on this planet has changed the way I approach life. I no longer use single ply toilet paper, only double ply.
Here are a number of other changes I have made to my life. I have decided to write annoying sarcastic blog entries. I have decided to wake up early in order to appreciate more of the day. I have finished most of my pre-orientation work for USC.
Shit today is the second of August and I leave in 18 days for college. So much to do and not too much time before I leave. Yet those 18 days are so long when my total lack of experience with leaving forever, or 9 months, means I have not fully realized that I am leaving so soon.
What a freak out.

Just broke up

So I just broke up with my girlfriend. The problem is that I do not have enough friends or at least non that I would feel comfortable talking to about this happening so I am sitter here in a cafe downtown blogging about this tragedy.
So the story, which will help me reflect on the situation so I may further explain myself later. It all started this morning when I receive a frantic phone call from Corinna explaining that she has come down with Mono. Not only is this upsetting because she is feeling terrible, but that means she does not think we should see much of each other during the summer. I on the other hand thought that we could still get together we just wouldn't be able to kiss, but still could hang out. Well the problem here was that my insistence that all was not lost was only met with hostilities and shouts of my not understanding, but by the accusation that I did not still love her. Later that afternoon I called her back and talked and she seemed to be feeling better, but still seemed convinced that I was not going to still love her. I told her that I would still love her and asked her if we could talk about it later. That was the wrong thing to do and she immediately hung up on me. If there is one thing I hate it is when she hangs up on me.
When I called her back in a few hours, note she did not call me back after hanging up on me, I started talking about how she did not handle the situation well. Things kept evolving to the point where we ended up breaking up. A break was my intention, but I accrued a clean break instead. I really love her, but she is not ready for this relationship.
I did consider taking her back, but before parting she made an abstract reference to "having nothing to live for" and other horrible suggestions that made me sure that splitting up with her was the best for her sanity. She allowed herself to be too emotional involved in our relationship and I cannot handle the responsibility of her emotional health. It is so scary to think that someone I care for so much can allow herself to be upset by my actions so easily.
I am a fucking 18 year boy, how can she see me as so perfect and expect me to be ready to handle that much responsibility. I love her, I just cannot have her love me. She does not deserve me to be mean to her, but I do not want to ever hurt her.
I am working for the best.
I will be vindicated.
I just wish she would believe me.
She means so much to me.
Maybe we can work things out in the future.
Too much for me. I hate the thought of it
She will be unhappy for a while, but she will be better.

New Computer Delayed

So due to computer problems I will not be updating until I get my new laptop which should be here on Monday.
My life in 5
1) Saw and loved Harry Potter
2) Been to Dulche Vita twice in the last week and loved it
3) Had some pretty great dates with Corinna
4) Am trying to reread book 5 and 6 of H-Pot before the 7th hits shelves
5) Playing more DS than Wii.

Learning to surf

I am learning how to surf with only the internet, a boogie board, and my neighbors pool. It is going to be awesome.

Out of Town

So Corinna is out of town, not me, and to say the least I am pretty ridiculously bored at times. That being said I am now playing Trauma Center: Second Option, Warcraft III RoC, which I will talk about later and Starcraft pretty heavily.
So I am pretty good at Starcraft, lets say that my current record for the week is something like 15-5. So when I went onto bnet for Warcraft I was not surprised to win my first 3 games of 3v3 or so. Admittedly my team mates were good, but I have a really good concept of gold and lumber collection and expand better than any of the other players. Well now in 2 of the ten games I have played the other players have been so incredibly mean to me. They have said multiple things about how much I suck and I am not that bad just I do not level my hero as quickly as some of them and I went online after one battle where my ally criticized my build order and the build order I found was the exact one that I was using. Lol. But until Corinna gets back I am not sure what I will do to occupy my time.

Transformers is FUCKING AWESOME

So I know that this is probably the most controversial movie at the theaters right now just due to everyone's love for the original series and toys, but deal with it. My thought on the movie are this
1) The movie is funny, some of the comedy is very juvenile, and is in no way Whedon like subtle, but it makes a lot of the otherwise awkward times very enjoyable
2) The acting isn't Godfather, but it isn't Star Wars Attack of the Clones either. And the characters pull the situation off well.
3) The story is engaging and provides more than ample excuse for awesome fight scenes.
4) Beautiful treat for the eyes.
5) Plus these movies just like all of the superhero craze is just Hollywood taking those characters that we imagined fighting growing up and spending millions of dollars imaging our most desired fights.
Definitely going to go see it again, and am going to bust out the old toys tomorrow morning.